I accidentally burped into my bong.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
