I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
