I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
