They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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