he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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