alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When are your genitals available?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
