I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
