Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
