Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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