Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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