I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
