We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
