Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
