I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
