I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
