like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
