Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
