we made out on top of his cat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
