bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
