This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
