When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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