Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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