Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need a beard to bite.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
