If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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