Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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