He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
