My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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