Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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