man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
