Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
