I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
