We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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