Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
