o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
