You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
