so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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