dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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