we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
