Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
