Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
