woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
