My hand turned me down
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
