It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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