dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
