one might say we're banned from that church
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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