We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
