i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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