He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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