btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
