yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
