WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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