i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
