He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
