I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
